A little dearblankpleaseblank collection. Smiiiile.

I feel stupid because when I read these all I do is nod and think ''So true, so true...'' Wanna read more?

Dear Voldemort,

So they screwed up your nose too?

Sincerely, Michael Jackson.

Dear Dora,

You're bilingual at age 4, and you seriously can't see the damn orange tree?!

Sincerely, It's right there.

Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.

Sincerely, BP.

Dear Idiot down the street,

No one cares if you are the only person in the neighborhood with a 62'' flat screen 3D LED TV. I just had sex with your girlfriend for the 4th time since monday, that's enough hi def entertainment for me. There are some things money can't buy =)~

Sincerely, The naked guy in your house, on your computer right now.

Dear Edward,

This is why you were in Hufflepuff.

Sincerely, The Sorting Hat.

Dear Edward,

You're doing it wrong.

Sincerely, Dracula.

Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!

Sincerely, 1985.

Dear Justin Bieber,

Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a water bottle, I'd throw it at you.

Sincerely, Anonymous.

Dear World,

Religion is like a penis. It's fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around... and PLEASE don't try to shove it down my child's throat.

Sincerely, tired of hearing your religious guff.

Dear Reader,

Please do me right now. On the kitchen table. In your bed. On the couch. Hell, I'll even take the floor in front of the T.V. I don't care, I just need you to do me like I've never been done before.

Sincerely, Your Homework.

Dear Moses,

I part the red sea every month. Don't see me bragging about it.

Sincerely, Tampons.

Dear Disney,

Thanks for giving me unrealistic expectations about love.

Sincerely, Still Waiting for Prince Charming.

Dear Hairstylist,

It worries me when your hair is hideous.

Sincerely, Concerned customer.

I am a week to late.

Because it was Valentine's Day last week. No, I am not going all un-original, ranting on about how much I HATE this commercial ''holiday'' and stuff. I'm just going to say; please don’t be a Valentine’s Day hater. People make money out of it. And it makes us girls happy in a way even I sometimes don’t understand.

Scheduled post numero uno; We're off peeps!

Hello-oo-ooo-oow

This is a scheduled post people! I feel like I am talking to you beyond the grave. I feel like God. Or a time traveller. I've scheduled some posts, so lets hope everything works out and no problems occur. Let's see.

Wisdom of the day; If your suitcase feels suspiciously light, check if you remembered your underwear. Yeah, that’s right, I was about to leave on a two week trip without underwear. As if my money problem isn’t big enough.

But, anyways, let's get on a plane! We're flying KLM which means sandwiches and cookies a board. This sounds horribly spoiled and like I am some brat with monaaaaay, but trust me, once you have flown Ryanair you are happy with anything that is not bright orange and where you are not forced to listen to crazy commercials and sterwardesses trying to sell you lottery tickets.

STRESSED OUT BECAUSE CLOTHES WON'T DRY.

I hate having to plan clothes. What will I wear, where will I wear it, and is it going to get dirty? I’ve learned that I have to count in some stains if I am going to make brownies, because I can never manage to lick off the spoon without dripping. I also hate packing, the action that forces me to plan clothes. I always overpack. It’s a disease. A girl-disease. A girl-with-too-many-shoes-disease.

Sooooo, I’m leaving on Saturday morning and I am not, no, not taking my darling computer. I have three reasons.

1. I normally take my computer to watch movies on the flight, and when to entertain me when I am really bored. Since my Acer doesn’t last 10 minutes with the power cable nowadays, that reason is out of the plane window. I’m also expecting NOT to be bored on this vacation, so you’ll better make that true, family and friends. And it’s not like I can’t check my mail and facebook on someone else’s computer, right?

2. My computer will seriously fall apart if I drag it to another country. It is already missing some buttons, the webcam has been retired for like a year now and the low groaning sounds scares me. What if it explodes in the plane? Then I’ll be arrested for being a wannabe terrorist. Jail does not suit me.

3. Its heavy. My back will hurt. This way I’ll be able to carry around light, cute purses instead of a monstrous bag.

So, in conclusion, my pea brain found out: Not taking computer > taking computer

That conclusion has 1 effect... SCHEDULED POSTS! Seriously, I don’t know where I would be without scheduled posts. Now is there just one problem.... I have to write them in the following 24 hours :S

I hate planning.

OMG, you guys!! You totally got posted!!

I am the low one with my eyes closed. The other eye-closed one is crouching down, but believe me, she normally towers over me. Just think of me as a hobbit, and of her as Gandalf, but then beardless and pretty and female.

My darrrrling cousin reminded me of the fact that the post below is not a proper post. I know that, of course, but I am currently stressed. I’ve got a sociology test tomorrow, and I’ve got to get an A if I want an A, we are leaving for the Netherlands Saturday morning and that means packing an planning, because when you do your own laundry, you have to plan it carefully. On top of that I have regular homework and I have to work through two weeks of math, because I am going to miss one week, and right after mu vacation we have an important test. I’m half-prioritizing maths, because the grade I get this year is my last maths grade. Like, I am TOTALLY done with maths after this schoolyear! It will be weird after, what, 13 years, but MAN, I’ll be so much happier.

Otherwise I am trying to find a proper replacement for LimeWire, since I’m gonna need some new music on that ancient Ipod of mine. Seriously, it is a 2d generation. 4 gig. I’ll let you laugh for a moment. But it is pretty, and it still works after 4/5 years, a few water shocks and countless falls. Sure, it doesn’t work when the temperature drops beneath -5 degree Celsius, sometimes a song gets stuck and it won’t turn off, which has led to empty batteries, many swear words and music-less walks home, but other than that: TOP-NOTCH.

But now I’ve got to get back to defining culture, drinking orange juice, listening to a song called Lisztomania and whatnot, so, buhbye. Ow, and PLEUN ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? I wrote a friggin post. About my life. I was seriously on the edge of turning this into the worst type of blog, a look-what-I-ate-for-dinner blog. But I didn’t. I dodged that bullet. I had tomato soup. Now shut up and let me work.

<3

Whoopwhoop

Well, I'm hot blooded, check it and see

I got a fever of a hundred and three

Come on baby, do you do more than dance?

I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded

You don't have to read my mind, to know what I have in mind

Honey you oughta know

Now you move so fine, let me lay it on the line

I wanna know what you're doin' after the show

Hot Blooded - Foreigner

Marieke is going technical. Ends up with an abused 4 and a missing delete button.

I know. I am the master of confusing titles. What can I say? It’s a gift. From the alien-overlords who send me down here to fix computers, eat grapes and spice up your sorry-ass lives.

Fix computers, you say? Well, yeah, that is totally like my new thing. But I thought you were a tech noob with some unreliable nerves and no feeling for equipment, you say? Well, yeah, that’s true but I just worked around those flaws. And that worked out? Øhm, partly...

You see, my computer is lovely and everything, but she is also getting old. She gathers dust, makes low humming noises and sometimes just likes to go to sleep. Or fuck up the sound when I TRY TO WATCH GLEE DAMMIT! I realized that I had to do something, but the thought of paying some professional to fix my Acer made my poor savings account shiver, so I decided to google my way to the skills, and fix her myself. I unscrewed the bottom, with some help from roommate and cleaned the fan. Everything was okay. I got the bottom of my computer back on, and it’s been there ever since, so that part of my plan went wonderful. But then I did something I never should have done. I popped the keys out of the keyboard. It was going fine until I came do the delete key, popped it out, and realized that something was wrong. No, no smoke, but a superscary breaking noise. The little stupid thing under the key, which I later found out is ESSENTIAL to type, had snapped. I continued, cleaned under the keys, man, it was dirty, and popped most for them back on. Except two.

So now I have a keyboard with two gaping holes in it. It looks horrible. Like teeth before braces. I still have number 4 but the delete key is gone. I think the vacuum cleaner may have inhaled it. At first i thought that it would not be such a big deal, who uses 4 and the delete button? Well, I DO. And now I have to press little annoying rubber thingies, which is just wrong. I’m thinking about super-gluing 4 back on, but I’ll think that through first and maybe I should check it computers can stand glue. Probably not. -.-

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Don’t take the keys out off your laptop. You will destroy something tiny but important and then you will regret it forever and ever. Let those little guys sit and gather dust. Dust is good. You can roll balls of it and flick them at your roommate.

DroolDream. I need some cake batter and food colouring asap!

Instead of trying to translate my thoughts into words and end up looking silly, I’ll just shut up and let the pictures and the immortal word of Mr Dahl speak for itself.

"Never mind about 1066 William the Conqueror, 1087 William the Second. Such things are not going to affect one’s life ... but 1932 the Mars Bar and 1936 Maltesers and 1937 the Kit Kat - these dates are milestones in history and should be seared into the memory of every child in the country." - Roald Dahl

Blabberblabber, the actual point was the picture.

I truly think the world became a better place when smiley’s first were introduced into our lives. How the heck was it possible to be sarcastic or to tease before? How did we declare our love to each other before we had <3, and XOXO and (H), (L) or... well I don’t know, cause I am rather loveless at the moment. I adore smiley’s but I know several people who don’t use them. Who just end every comment with a big black . When I see comments like that on Facebook I immediately consider them rude or unfriendly. (Unless it is an obvious joke ofc.) Prejudices, but hey, it looks pretty serious, ending everything like this. Then I’d rather have you end it abru-...

Geez, way to be bitchy Youtube!

I wanted to cheer myself up and post one of the most genius movie dance scene in the history of movie dance scenes, but noooooo, Youtube doesn’t want to co-operate. If it were any other site I would boycott it in a whiff, but Youtube is just so.... necessary.

This sketch has to do it. Seriously the Internet has too much power.

Chocolate is my fuel baby.

Well... Last week I was yapping about how fast January went by, and now we are suddenly 5 days later. And I am sure that February will go by fast too.

 

I dived into my archive and my favourites (Seriously, I’ll probably have a spontaneous aneurism if my computer ever breaks down; cause then I’ll lose... everything.) (I love being a melodramatic teenager and being allowed to use things like this <3 ) and found this:

I love chocolate. You know, it is kind off a given, me being a melodramatic teenager. Like my best friend Patrick Skene Catling (Yeah I don’t know who he is either... Google it is!) once said: "Other things are just food. But chocolate’s chocolate."

Apparently somewhere in the world there are designers working with chocolate... I know right? And then there was a fashion show with models wearing the ONE thing they can’t eat without throwing up, chocolateeeeee.

Source - that rimes with horse.

While on topic, did you know that you can actually become a chocolate sculptor? Well YOU can, I can’t because I would probably eat more then I’d sculpt.

The Source  - Man I wish I was a Jedi.

The same guy who made these, also has the record on the world largest chocolate sculpture.

Miro Della Vecchia’s white chocolate Dome of Milan is 1.5 meters tall, 2.5 meters long and weighs 5.37 ton... Gebejezus, that’s what I say.

(The patent on the word ‘’Gebejezus’’ is on the way btw.)

I really don't know clouds at all

Rows and flows of angel hair

And ice cream castles in the air

And feather canyons everywhere

I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun

They rain and snow on everyone

So many things I would have done

Clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow

It's cloud illusions I recall

I really don't know clouds at all

Joni Mitchell - Both Sides Now

(The song is rather dull and boring and old-womany. But I like it.)

Aaaaaaand it is the first of February! Am I the only one who felt like January went by like a whirl wind? 1/12 down, 11 more to go. 11 months in which I (hopefully) am done with the supah-boring Spanish lessons of mr. Lavoll, have a brown and fun summer, get to experience my own 18th b-day, get a driver’s licence and a colourful entry into the new year, 2012, the year in which we all die. Horrible. But at least I’ll be a grown-up and can live a bit longer by making a pile of kids and then sit on it while the lava surrounds me. Sounds good.